{practically perfect in every way.}

confession:

2012-01-31T09:28:00.000-07:00

i'm dying to go to the circus.

i've never been!

like, bucket list, willing to travel, trapeze fliers, elephant tricks, something with fire.... i want to go to the circus.

a backyard version is making its way around salt lake this week, but i've read the peta fact sheet and the risk of being trampled by starved elephant is too great. i'm not going to waste my life, or my circus experience, on the d-list traveling show.

ringling brothers or bust, yo.

i'm serious, though: i want to go to the circus.

who's going to take me?

"i'm afraid that when the girls find out what i'm doing, they'll hate me forever. and ever. and ever."

2012-01-30T21:26:00.001-07:00

ugh. i had all sorts of good lines. good, trite, lame dad joke lines....

but then everyone started crying OVER BASEBALL and i had to start over to showcase the beyond ridiculousness.

not to mention the sandy, beach nekkedness.

itchy.

a crying bachelorette.

it sucks that i'm feeling so strongly for someone when i've really only had a small amount of time with him. it just sucks." - a crying bachelorette.

"time with ben is so precious. and i'm here for a reason. and the only way i can continue to be here and for him to be interested in me is to get that precious, precious time." - a crying bachelorette.

"i try to be really strong sometimes, but today has been really difficult for me. i really like ben a lot. i just want a chance to talk to him like everyone else has." - a crying bachelorette.

"of all the women that i have fallen for in my life have not loved me back." - ben.

"i'll be really upset if i go home tonight. i don't want to even think about that. because, you know, it's hard. it's really impordant to find love and i've given up so much to be here. i gave up my job for this because, i believed in it..." - a crying bachelorette.

"this hurts. it sucks. i feel like he didn't give me a chance. i really thought something was there. i had so much fun with him today. i tried to open up as much as i could on this date and i didn't take this date for granted.i was so excited to be here. it just hurts.... {ENTER 'THIS YEAR'S LOVE' @#$%^&*(!?!}.... i just don't know what i did wrong." - a crying bachelorette.

"i like ben. i really really really like ben. it's the strongest i've ever felt about a person since the last time i was in love." - an emotional bachelorette.

"i think he hates me." - a crying bachelorette.

"yes." - a crying bachelorette, while accepting her rose.

"you don't realize how tough it is until you're told to go home. i guess i just wonder what i did wrong. being in love is one of...." and then i couldn't understand anything else she was saying through the sniffs and the squeeks and the crying hiccups? - a crying bachelorette.

panama city?

weekend craftiness.

2012-01-30T11:21:00.002-07:00

because wallpapering my bedroom wasn't ambition enough for one weekend, and i was on mission: distraction for a love-lorn friend, i broke out the paints on saturday and got to work on another project.

and honestly, i felt like i was 4 years old. it was that simple.

i made the paper bag wreath from bloesem kids

{see, a kid project}

the tutorial is simple. i followed it to a t.

paint, tape, repeat.

the project was candy to my eyes the whole way through.

still need to top it off with a welcome message, but that's what tonight is for.

can't take on too much fun at once.

peppy miller.

2012-01-29T13:28:00.003-07:00

i saw the artist yesterday and have complete peppy miller envy.

CAN I BE HER?

it was the most charming two hours of my life and has my vote for best picture.

but seriously.

red lips {i mean, it's black and white... i'm assuming her lips are red}

thick, dark upper lashes

the fake mole

short curls + head scarf

transform me!

i might even take up tap dancing.

anything to be peppy miller.

i can do anything with a person.

2012-01-28T23:50:00.001-07:00

i'm certain there's a theory out there - more legit than the one played out in an early season of grey's anatomy - about having "a person". everything's easier with a person.

and it's not even a co-dependent thing. or a "i need to use you for your expertise" thing, it's just a everything's-better-with-a-person thing.
i think that's why andi and i wait months at a time to do all our projects together. when i'm ambitious to start a project on my own, life is better if we're on the phone while i'm loading up on supplies at lowe's.

this is the long way of introducing my weekend wallpaper project. in my head it was an easy task. but it was also a new-to-me task, so what did i know anyway? it wasn't so much that i needed a person {that's a lie. it's totally a two man job}, just that it was an adventure too great to keep all to myself.

enter a willing ryan fleming.

the poor guy was looking for a fun friday night and i put him to work - like, cinderella work - washing the walls, cleaning the baseboards and all.

but it was an adventure and maybe that's more in line with what he was looking for than straight up manual labor. maybe?

we read the instructions, we measured twice and cut ~~once~~ four thousand times. i stepped in glue a hundred times, he was smart enough, strong enough to take the door off the frame {with 50 pairs of shoes attached}. and all the while, spotify played on.

i paid a lady $80 last year to hang a sliver as much wallpaper in my living room as we hung last night. but it wasn't nearly as fun to watch her do it as it was to do it ourselves. if things don't work out in the working world for either of us, i think we've found ourselves a new trade! i bet we'll laugh harder than all the other wallpaper installers in the valley.

the best part: he knew this was going to be a blog-worthy event.

so, in true blogger style, here's a mundane, manual labor, handy-man chore - documented by the minute.

i owe him three prizes for that chore. at least.

and in true practically perfect style, a prize goes out to the one who can find the hole we ryan {ha!} ripped through the paper, and the piece that doesn't match on the right seam.

turns out, my flare for perfection wanes dramatically between the hours of 7 p.m. and midnight.

p.s. ryan, the wallpaper is still up. we're in business!

twenty questions:

2012-01-27T15:02:00.001-07:00

stolen from teri and perfectly perfect for a friday post.

1. what is one of your favorite ways to spend a saturday?

bestie saturday, of course. usually a movie at the broadway or a new bakery. and we always sneak in some anthropologie time.

2. list your top three favorite tv shows.

parenthood, any of the real housewives {such smut!} and old school oprah, of course.

3. would you rather be in pictures or take them?

both!

4. why do you blog?

because i have a lot to say! and really awesome taste!

5. share five websites that you visit regularly...

twitter

google reader

facebook

pinterest

the corporate intranet {borrrring}

6. if you could have lunch with one person from your twitter list, who would it be?

@noshoppingliz! we're long lost friends in the waiting.

7. list a few of your favorite snacks

babybel cheese... and laughing cow cheese, too! apple + peanut butter, grapes.

8. do you have a pet? if so, what kind?

no. no, no, no, no, NO.

9. what three material possessions would you struggle to live without?

phone, eye glasses, nail polish.

10. what's your favorite drink?

diet coke.

11. do you enjoy cooking?

yes. but i don't enjoy leftovers. and i don't enjoy it as much as i do baking.

12. do you have any children?

no.

13. what are your favorite hobbies?

all things arts and crafts, creative things with my crafty little hands, and adventures with my bestie.

14. would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing?

shy in a large, social setting. outgoing in a comfortable place. and when i get paid for it.

15. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?

i'd lower the volume of my everyday voice.

16. who is your favorite actor/actress?

actor: robert downey, jr... when he's grungy and dirty.

actress: kate winslet

17. what is the coolest thing you've done this week?

i wore heels two days in a row!?

18. do you live near your family or far from them?

near the extended version, far from the immediate ones.

19. list three of your talents.

planning parties, filling a space with color and life, and i got mad frosting skillz, yo.

20. what is your greatest attribute?

my ability to show you what's on the inside by wearing it on my outside.

a day in the life.

2012-01-26T22:08:00.001-07:00

our livelihoods have always fascinated me... how different they can be. how one click on the track of our lives can take us in one direction or another - most likely not anywhere near we set our sights when we were 18 years old, making decisions and plans for our lives.

andy j. miller image.

i remind the engineers at work all the time that when i went to school to learn to write a press release, i never, in a million years, thought i'd be on the phone with a fiery equestrian, helping her navigate hay deliveries through a newly narrowed bridle path, thanks to a right turn pocket my engineers designed {does that even make sense to you?} or spending the dinner hours of the last thursdays of every other month with a group of righteous volunteer citizens, discussing the pitch of the street light in their backyards.

how could i have ever guessed this is where i'd be?

was your life path more simple than that? like, if you're a teacher, and you went to school to learn how to teach, do you still have those "check yourself" moments in the middle of your day where you're like, "huh. this is me, really doing this. how'd i get here, again?" because i have those moments all the time. is it as ironic for you as it is for me?

the point of my story is - no one really understands what i do for a living. i don't blame you, i didn't understand it for, like, the first two years of my employment. i can explain it, but still there's some nuances to how we do business that i think really paint the picture to an outsider. my business card says public involvement manager, but before that even, i'm a consultant.

consultants are experts at something. we're hired by someone - a government agency perhaps? - because we're good at what we do. life would be so simple if we were the only consultants who did what we do, but we're not. we swim in a sea of engineering firms. or public involvement/relations firms who are also really good at what they do. we sell our time. 800 hours for this over the next 16 months, 2,000 hours for that before 2 years is up. the goal is to win enough work to keep each person busy 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year. did you know there's 2,080 hours in a full-time employable year? i did. because that's how much work i've gotta do. we don't clock in at 8 and clock out at 5 and tinker with toys for 8 hours in between and expect a salaried paycheck every two weeks. we're accountable for our time, down to the 15 minute increments. like a lawyer.

a consulting zinger? chasing a new project.

our clients have clear rules about how they can select us to do work for them. so, when we hear about a project that's swirling in the universe, we track it. for months and months, it's on our radar. we talk to people who know details, we form relationships with the decision makers, gather bits of information that will help sell a good story down the line. and then we wait.

an official email dings in our inbox and it's "hit the street". things get serious.

we meet in conference rooms for hours on end to brainstorm and story board and find an angle. we keep meeting with people who know. we drive to ogden... or nephi... or st. george.... where ever it might be 30943875 times a week to keep soaking it in. since i'm looking for public involvement details, i'm meeting with business owners, residents, potential noise-makers. we craft clever sentences and make sure every words is deliberate for sometimes 2 pages, sometimes 12. sometimes we've gotta smile for the camera, and sometimes we're selling ourselves through words alone - crafting them until midnight on a sunday, long after the air conditioning quit working. it's brain crunching work and every word counts. we revise, revise, revise. and drink a lot of diet coke.

and when it's perfect - or the deadline approaches - which ever one bows to the other first, we seal it up and send it on it's way. hoping it's better than the next guy's.

if there are a lot of as-good-as-the-next-guy's, we've made the first cut. let's say twelve firms submit letters and they like three of them the best. us three are put on a shortlist and scheduled for an interview.

THE MOST NERVE WRACKING PART OF THE CONSULTING WORLD.

an interview!

where we sit across the table from people we've known really well for years and years, but suddenly, we're at their mercy, since they hold the key to our careers and we have to win it from them. we practice. for 4 hours every day. we ROLE PLAY. i role play! iiiiiiiiii role play. i sit across the table from my co-workers and they ask me fake questions that, we hope, are something in line with questions our key-holders might ask and we role play.

i think about my answers to the mysterious, unknown questions in the shower, i'm praying over it at night, i'm thinking about it while watching the real housewives of beverly hills, and everywhere in between my work day. oh, yeah - i'm working too. like, not neglecting the projects that are already ours while focusing on the ones i hope to have one day. and the night before, i'm living a rom-com-esque sequence where the girl rifles through her closet, trying on every last thing she owns while the pile of rejects grow bigger and bigger on her bed. all the while, i'm reciting an hour's worth of answers to mysterious, unknown questions.

on the day of the interview, there's always an hour of final prep and a crew of co-workers cheering you on, sending you on your way as you pull out of the parking lot. it's kind of a "good luck! our careers are in your hands! but no pressure!" kind of cheer, but it's a cheer.

and then it's you + your team sitting opposite the question askers and the show goes live.

it's ON.

in a snap, it's over. 50 minutes never flew so quick.

and when all i want to do is breath a sigh of relief, i don't. instead, the conversation replays in my head, i'm reciting the questions and the answers. the good things and the things i wish i would have said.

the entire crew of well wishers are waiting exactly where they left off. with baited breath for the dirty details. so i recite the story again. and then again for the guy who missed it the first {my third} time.

and then all you can do is wait for the phone call where they guy tells you if you were better than all the next guys. or not. it weighs heavy in your gut all afternoon... and productivity gives way to nervous fidgets.

i've never not been the best guy. i've never "not hit it out of the park" when all we were expected to do was "bat clean up".

until today.

so tomorrow, i go back to work and try, try again.

and three cheers to you if you read my long tale of career woman-ness. and now you know what it's like to be a consultant!

things to worry about:

2012-01-26T16:22:00.001-07:00

i'm ripping this straight from rachel, courtesy of lists of note.

a letter from f. scott fitzgerald to his daughter scottie.

{do you think i could get away with naming my future daughter scottie, after her grandpa? i like it. but it would sure confuse the other nieces and nephews...}

Things to worry about:

Worry about courage
Worry about cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship

Things not to worry about:

Don’t worry about popular opinion
Don’t worry about dolls
Don’t worry about the past
Don’t worry about the future
Don’t worry about growing up
Don’t worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don’t worry about triumph
Don’t worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don’t worry about mosquitoes
Don’t worry about flies
Don’t worry about insects in general
Don’t worry about parents
Don’t worry about boys
Don’t worry about disappointments
Don’t worry about pleasures
Don’t worry about satisfactions

Things to think about:

What am I really aiming at?
How good am I really in comparison to my contemporaries in regard to:

(a) Scholarship
(b) Do I really understand about people and am I able to get along with them?
(c) Am I trying to make my body a useful instrument or am I neglecting it?

With dearest love,

Daddy

he's almost as wise as my scottie, my dad.

i have a dream...

2012-01-25T21:58:00.001-07:00

that someday...

... i'll be able to wear this jacket.

i bought it on a super j.crew clearance sale - like in 2004.

it's highlighter yellow. lined + wool. with ruffles. and big buttons.

a recipe for perfection.

jen talks about that jacket as if it's an estranged family member i've neglected or something, but that's really not the case. i love this jacket. it just that it needs some tailoring. and the other 4567548751854 pieces in my wardrobe fill its void and i forget about it too easily.

in fact, the last time i wore it was the day i took the christmas branch home... in december 2010.

but tomorrow is a big day and i need something special to wear.

just like a hundred times before, i thought about this jacket all through the work day - having visions of pulling off a successful outfit with the highlighter jacket as its centerpiece.

enter this picture message exchange with bestie jen...

aubry: does this jacket look too big?

aubry: because it's huge...

aubry: it's this big...

aubry: belting it is kind of ridiculous...

aubry: it's too big. wahhhhhhh....

jen: belting no good... and it's too big.

jen: and these pictures made me laugh out loud.

jen: it's so gooood....

jen: tailor it.

aubry: i'm dying here. big day tomorrow. biiiiig. and this is what i want to wear. but i can't. wah.

jen: well, the first pic was not so bad... it looked like my j.crew coat, cropped and roomy, but it's supposed to look that way. belting it made it look worse.

{for the record, i saw an hgtv host wear it with a belt and thought that might save me from my plaguing wardrobe problem. no such luck.}

aubry: i think it only looks that way because i'm not moving. the second pic - i can grab handfuls of fabric on each side. that's not normal.

jen: not normal and i hurt for your because it is so good.

aubry: too tight in the boobs?

jen: honestly? a little.... cardigan?

aubry: it's so fidgety, i put it back on the hanger. i can't handle this. i'm calling in sick. #whitegirlproblems

jen: i have 4575413423745 skirts i have not been able to wear... you are welcome to come check them out.... although most are perf for me and too short for you because you are long.

aubry: riiiiiight. this is a bestie problem. we should be equally proportioned for moments like this.

jen: i can send you pics of my longer skirts if you want.... i know you're not a clothes borrower, but you can if you want.

aubry: i'm not afraid to borrow.... it just means i have to get in my car and drive to you when i have hours more work to do to prep for this day. i'm going to try one more outfit before i default to black, button down, and a cardigan. borrrrring.

jen: wear a mauve skirt and grey tights.

aubry: winner.

.... and then i had to ask a 40-something male engineer the same question.... just to make sure a red dress wasn't too loud from his engineering standpoint.

someone just expanded his job description to include "fashion consultant"

lucky!

p.s. this is not an outfit post.
i | ii | iii

the drybar.

2012-01-24T19:16:00.001-07:00

the cup of jo fans out there have already read the brilliant news... but YOU GUYS:

there's a blow dry boutique out there!

my heaven!

a place where someone blows dry my hair?!

THAT is my idea of perfect relaxation.

i'd pay for that much sooner than i'd pay for a massage or a cut/color.

there are spots all over california. some in texas. and one in new york.

so when i go to san francisco with 6 of my greatest life long friends this summer, we're doing it.
{andi, you can be the photographer. sorry about those ferocious curls of yours.}

can you see us now? the traveling circus... loud. laughing. everyone will fall in love with us {or kick us out, half wet, half dry} and we'll look fab in the end.

i can't think of a better way to spend $35 and a couple hours than relaxing with my friends.

because everyone needs an orange velvet blazer.

2012-01-24T19:09:00.002-07:00

when one comes up on a take-an-additional-40%-off-sale-prices sale, you buy it.

besides, we could all use a little kick in the class when it comes to our wardrobe, couldn't we?

most certainly.

homework.

2012-01-24T10:53:00.001-07:00

yesterday, after 83 hey-tell messages, coordinating what movies we were going to see and when, jen finally said "nominations come out tomorrow. let's just wait and see."

image via just jared

and so, the pressure begins to build today. 33 days until the awards show.

i have 13 movies to see to cover everything on the best picture, actor, actress, supporting actor, supporting actress categories.

and i'm going to do it.

the artist

this weekend with bestie jen

extremely loud and incredibly close

after book club. maybe we go as a group? GNO!

hugo

e-l-e-v-e-n nominations. wowee.

with the family that's not my family but treats me like family?

midnight in paris

friday night redbox, let's say jan 27. and for the record, i'm not terribly excited about it. maybe i'll put it on mute and watch paris float by.

moneyball

saturday night redbox, jan 28

tree of life

this is asking a lot of me. two brad pitt movies back to back. oy.

friday night redbox, feb 3

tinker tailor soldier spy

this is a bestie movie for sure.

albert nobbs

and this one. i'm willing to coordinate tuesday nights.

the iron lady

and this one. saturday with bestie?

my week with marilyn

at some point i'm going to have to see a movie by myself - if for nothing else, to say that i've done it

warrior

i have no idea what this is, but it sounds like equal parts the fighter and the wrestler, so this goes to the very bottom of the list. i've already seen this movie. twice.

beginners

i just reserved this at the redbox. tonight is the night!

bridesmaids

i probably don't need to see this for legit oscar contender business, but for good measure...

national handwriting day.

2012-01-23T22:19:00.003-07:00

real simple says it's national handwriting day.

i celebrated all day long by scribbling maddening notes while i sat in three different meetings... interviews, of sorts. the kind where i hung on every word that was coming my way and documented everything i could manage to get on paper as spoken in real time.

i took this test, and here's what my handwriting means:

slants: not really much of a slant here. it means i'm practical and guarded with my emotions. what? me?

letter size: yikes. some big, some small. big personality and focused, all at the same time?

loops: open l's {spontaneous} and closed e's {unswayed in emotional arguments - anyone else weirded out by how spot on this is?}

s's: printed. i'm versatile.

basically: i'm perfect.

{true story: jen's old boss once told her that a handwriting analyst told her she was the closest thing to jesus on the face of this earth. BASED ON HER HANDWRITING. true story.}

take the test!

MY hometown date.

2012-01-23T21:47:00.002-07:00

she's so wicked.

"these mou'ains are really just incredible." - rachel, the fashion buyer from NYC, speaking of the mouNTains in utah.

"these more down to earth dates are nice because you get a good gauge on whether or not you have chemistry." - ben, upon arriving on a private lake via helicopter.

"relationships are all about trust and diving into the unknown. i'm really hoping we can kind of come together and conquer this thing." - ben the REPEAT OFFENDER.

one on one cocktail party time: "i've been on three straight group dates and i don't know what that means and i really would like that one on one time and see if it can get further." {interview: "i have such crazy feelings for this guy and i feel like i should already have a ring on my finger so i need more time with ben, like one on one time."} one on one time: "what are you thinking... pretty much? i don't know what you see in these group dates... *laughter*..... i've been on THREE. so what are you observing?" - sad, sad, foot-in-mouth samantha.

"i like that jennifer's easy going. i like that she's a good kisser. it seems like she has a really good family, she's outdoorsy. i'm really looking forward to enjoying the evening." - ben. these people have got to be mormon, right? family, outdoors, good kisser. check, check, check.

"it's the most painful thing in this world." monica, the dental consultant who was sent home to slc from park city. i hope the limo driver took her straight to her front door. like, in south salt lake {but not ogden.}.

and just when i was about to report what a yawn this week had been - three gems right there in the end to save the day:

"vacas, puuuueeeerrrrto riiiiico" - ben, the white guy.

"i was just there." - an ungrateful bachelorette.

"i can go higher than anybody." courtney, next week's skinny dipping, skanky, b-word.

happy birthday brother!... i think?

2012-01-23T11:51:00.003-07:00

today my little brother brett turns 25.

maybe.

it might have been yesterday.

it's the focus of a great bennion family debate.

we celebrated his birthday on january 23 all the way up until he registered for the 7th grade.

until we {my mom} started to gather all those things required to get started at a new school - immunization records, the cable bill for proof of address, etc. we pulled his birth certificate out of the grey box. the grey box is the suitcase my dad packed around mexico in the mid 70s when he was a church missionary and houses everything valuable to the bennion family. both the important and sentimental things go in the grey box. vital statistic info and my student of the month certificate from 2nd grade. things like that.

out came the birth certificate.... "brett bennion, born this day, yada yada yada."

dated january 22.

a whole day early from the birthday we'd been celebrating for 12 years!

my mom insisted. no, not just insisted - to this day, she'll lay her life on the line to claim he was born on january 23.

ask an 18 day overdue mother with 4 children 10 years old and younger - my brother was born on the 23rd.

but this is a world of records, paperwork and order..... and legally, brett's gotta live his life like he was born on the 22nd of january.

the day this whole thing unraveled, my sweet 12 year old brother exclaimed, "i'm two days older than i was yesterday!" score for a 12 year old.

so i wished him a happy birthday yesterday. with a question mark.

and i'll seal it today with another greeting, this time with an exclamation point.

that lucky dog.... of all the bennions to get two birthdays.... it's not me.

groundhog's day.

2012-01-22T15:25:00.002-07:00

every morning, between the hour of 6:21 and 7:35 it's groundhog's day.

snooze, snooze, rise and shine.

shower water goes on, i run a brush through my hair before i get in - an act of self preservation against tangles.

{a}shampoo,{b} condition, {c} wash face, rinse my conditioner, brush {d} teeth {in the shower. my mom thinks i'm so strange.}, {e} wash body. first things first when i get out, {f} astringent.

while my hair dries, all wrapped up in a towel, on goes the make up.
{1}eye cream, {2} moisturizer, {3} concealer.
{4}foundation, {5} eye brightener, and {6} loose powder.

then onto the eyes.
{7} eye shadow primer, a million different {8} eye shadows - at least three at a time. {9} liner, and then {10} mascara

{11} cheeks, {12} lips {vegas volt, lately}, {13} lips {summerfruit liner}, and {14} lips {whoops! gloss}.

there's zero magic when it comes to the hair.

it's straight, it's long, and takes 10 minutes to blow dry.

when i'm all done, i run a straight iron through my bangs and smooth it all out with a pump of moroccan oil.

pearls go in my ears and i'm out the door.

if i concentrate, i can do it all 35 minutes.

it's my least favorite time of the day....

photo a day, this week.

2012-01-22T14:49:00.002-07:00

this week in the #janphotoaday challenge:

day sixteen: morning

kersey said she started to hum the theme song from the office when she saw this picture.

i have to agree with her. corporate america is corporate america.

day seventeen: water

this is my water.

day eighteen: something i bought.

expense report day. my favorite day of the month.

day nineteen: sweet

cafe rio mints.

day twenty: someone i love.

faux-hawk'd sean, at the zoo.

day twenty one: reflection.

bestie saturday at the broadway theater

day twenty two: my feet.

i had to pull this out of the archives to remember what it was like to wear open toes and rock brown skin.

and this just in: a feb photo a day challenge.

maybe by then i'll be snapping in instagram.

oh yeah that.

2012-01-22T01:37:00.003-07:00

let the record show that bestie saturday officially resumed on saturday, january 21, just six weeks into navy baby's life.

oh, the normalcy! it's possible!

we braved the weather event AND sundance film festival madness to chisel away at the oscar nod list...

we saw the descendants.

the descendants - the movie with really super authentic, native-approved hawaiian music, george clooney has terrible hair and is costumed in the worst pair of dad-pants i've ever seen, and the only movie in the history of my life that brought me to sniffling, noisy, constant tears.

{the entire theater took in a collective sob, by the way. it wasn't just me.}

i have a really high tolerance for depressing movies, you know. like, revolutionary road is depressing... a story of a crumbling, spiteful marriage that ends with a death? i mean, i subject myself to that kind of stuff for fun all the time. but the descendants? oy. that movie was so good. so much humor. and a ribbon of pure sadness throughout.

spoiler alert:

the last half hour is spent at the hospital, saying goodbye to george clooney's wife who's been taken off of life support and is dying a slow, deep coma death. and just like in real life, the gravity of it all is masked by the family for the sake of the 10 year old daughter up until that point. the scene where they eventually tell her is played out in the hospital room with silent voices, covered by sweet hawaiian tunes, but quivering sad, raw faces tell the story.

and that's when i {we} cried.

jen cried because she's a crier. she also cried because she's a mom, i'm sure.

but i cried because i've been there.

in fact, when she spied my wet tears, i didn't even try to hide it, there were too many of them pouring straight down my cheek. i fumbled through my stash of napkins in the cup holder to wipe them all away, and all i could say was "i've been there."

except i wasn't 10 years old. i was 15.

that didn't make it any easier. it just made me five years more aware of how desperately i needed my mom to fight her way back to the land of the living*.

and then, in true bennion fashion, this very matter of fact conversation took place on facebook:

and so, today's tender, touching moment is brought to you by facebook.

thanks, mark z.

*if you know me in real life, you've probably heard the story. if you don't, read this, the quick and dirty. maybe i'll tell my version of the story someday. sometimes i forget it ever happened. but, i was talking to my brother, 4 years younger than me, about it a few months ago, and turns out - our stories are different. our memories are different. his is the 10 year old, 3rd of 4 brothers memory, mine is the 15 year old only daughter memory.

party in a box.

2012-01-20T22:29:00.001-07:00

my main girl sophie will celebrate her first birthday soon.

as resident party planner of the family, i can't help but jump in from 250 miles away.

it all started with this party inspiration i spied on oh happy day {originally seen on cake}.

how sweet! how simple!

i saw it and i thought, that whole situation can be bundled up and shipped off in a box, can't it?

the banner.

the garland.

coordinating invitations {that i'll create in powerpoint, of course}.

a mini cake stand for the mini birthday girl.

and cake toppers for everyone.

and then came a request to tailor it to something she loves: monkeys.

so i'm going to monkify it.

it might not be literal. i'm wrapping my head around lil' monkeys hanging from garland

cranking my brain away at how i can make it happen.

but it will be brown {kraft paper?} and yellow {bananas, duh.} and then i'll pack it up in a box and send it north and it will the cutest thing sophie's laid eyes on all year long.

{work} things of no consequence.

2012-01-19T08:56:00.002-07:00

pin.

i spent my evening hours at work last night, composing a success story about the use of social media in the transportation engineering world for a co-worker in atlanta, ga. she put a call out to the company {did you know there are 55,000 of us?} and i'm the only one who replied with any experience with the situation.

i had no way of knowing i'd get paid for these kinds of hobbies when i was in college.

i'm moving office spaces next week. fresh and new, new and fresh. i'll walk one more floor of stairs in the morning {or rise one more floor in the elevator, depending on how many things i'm schlepping that day}. i'll reorganize and redecorate. after all, it's the space i live most of my waking life.

i will have driven to utah county three times in the last 36 hours. i wonder why i don't just co-locate.

my eye has been twitching - constantly - for a full day. the weekend can't come soon enough.

it's a proposal-writing kind of week. brain crunching, deliberate sentence structuring, better-than-the-next guy. very stretching.

co-worker dave and i are back in our regular carpool routine. three times a week. saves my gas tank and my sanity.

but someday really soon, i'm going to take up public transit. i have to catch a bus in my neighborhood that takes me to the train, that carries me to the trax line that connects to a bus that drops me off in front of the office. might take me an hour and a half, but i'm dreaming of all the reading i'll do while i'm not driving.

today's still an iphone day. feb. 1 can't come soon enough.

how minimalist sexy is this?

in unrelated news, i found a new favorite blog: live creating yourself.

who what where when why wednesday.

2012-01-18T11:48:00.002-07:00

have you ever been to a movie by yourself?

no!

image ripped straight from a google search.

but i'm considering it.

i must.

each year, i manage to watch all of the oscar contender movies before the awards show. besides being totally incredible films {and perfect depressing, most of them} i'm realllly good at predicting the winning films. it's a little more than sparkles and mermaid cuts for me when the academy awards roll around.

it's hard work, i tell you.

two years ago, bestie jen and i managed to watch them all in and around wedding plans.

and last year, i barely skated by, no thanks to that crazy play she decided to do.

this year: a hungry infant baby. a little less pliable of a schedule that even a wedding and 6 days-a-week of the nicest kids in town.

so, i think i'm going to have to resort to solo movie dates. the good thing is - most of them play at the broadway theater. the broadway is full of independent spirits {some of them drunk and homeless, but independent nonetheless} who appreciate film for film - or a warm place to sit for a few hours.

i'll put a hoodie on, slouch down in my seat, drink something from a paper bag and blend right in.

tell me: would you?

mine, all mine.

2012-01-17T18:28:00.000-07:00

i'm in limbo land... waiting for just the right minute to buy a kindle, while reading two books {one on my night stand, the other in my hand bag} and getting ready to start a book club book {iiiiii'm joining a book club. how distinguished, eh? probably not really. we'll probably be a bunch of rowdy girls who laugh and eat and talk about everything but the book, but maybe that's what book clubs are really all about and i just don't know it.}

so today, i bought a kindle.

i also bought this beauty to protect it.
dear blog friend annie sifted through etsy to find it for me after eyeing {and complaining about} other very minimalist designer-ish felt covers that cost way too much. i've had it bookmarked for months.

and in 3-5 shipping days it will live with me forever. i'll be a reading fool, yo.

i'm still leaning toward the iphone.

2012-01-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

i'm going three days strong here.

iphone or bust.

and not just because of this case, but it doesn't help my ever-falling heart.

society 6. home of too many beautiful things.

"i think she's uglier in person. and she's got thicker thighs than i do."

2012-01-17T00:24:00.004-07:00

stolen straight from jenna's facebook page. it's just so perfect.

"relationships are all about trust and diving head first into the unknown. things like overcoming fears can only make that relationship stronger. if emily and i can climb to the top of the bay bridge together, there's no telling how far we can take this relationship." - ben.

"this isn't disneyland, this is an actual, physical caltrans climb on the bay bridge." - a state employee, paid by failing california tax payer money.

"TALK TO ME GOOSE." - ben, to the girl he barely knows.

"i'm there for her, i'm here for her. i did the only thing i could do for her. i gave her a kiss." - ben.

"a bridge takes two things that are seperate and brings them together" - a forgettable bachelorette.

"my parents were older when i was born. my mom was 33 when she had me." - ben.

"it's fun. i don't think there will be any drama tonight." - ben.

{enter very short lived shawwwwwntellllll drama.}

scenes from the next:

PARK CITY, UTAH. helllllo!? who knew about this? did you know this happened? amazing.

i think it calls for a party. utah girls watching non-utah girls "love the outdoors" in our state.

i think i saw a glimpse of the bachelor at the big + rich concert at the state fair. remember when i went to that?

when all else fails..

2012-01-16T23:59:00.002-07:00

today was a rough day for me.

kind of wonk and all flustery and fidgety, which in my world only means only one thing. and only bestie jen knows what to do: offer me the floor of her living room for the fetal position while feeding me toast and apple juice.

so when i got home from work, while i had 16 other, more important things to do, i marched upstairs and got started on a really big project:

organizing the creative room.

organizing is a perfect project for days like this because it never ends.

painting my nails gives me something to do for 20 minutes.

watching the bachelor: 2 hours.

cleaning closets, organizing yarn, stringing string, uncovering envelopes from stashes of 83 previous showers i've thrown, juggling styrofoam balls of all sizes, and sifting through bins and bins {and bins} of spools of ribbon: 5 hours and there's still more to do.

and then the time it takes to take really crappy photos with my phone...

{p.s. today, i choose the iphone.}

before, before, half way before.

paints + string, the devil's gift bag filler, white things.

pens + pencils, garland yet to be strung, string.

ribbon scraps, hand dyed baker's twine, yarn.

see, crappy photos, right?

someday soon there will be a sewing machine on the table.

{mom, where is that sewing machine? help.}

and a chair. i need a chair.

the bulletin board will soon be filled with clever ideas and sweet things.

but the floor is 100% clean {trust me on this}

and the closet is almost there. all that remains is wrapping paper and scrapbook paper.

so thank you wonk day.

i accomplished so much because of you.

p.s. how many days can go by before it's too late to blog about the golden globes? can i push it out another day? i even took notes...

it's not a vitamix, but i do have a testimony of it.

2012-01-16T13:45:00.004-07:00

the other day, bestie jen gave me a frozen yogurt smoothie pack from yoplait - and then handed me another because she knew i'd fall quickly in love.

which, i did.

but i was frustrated with my laaaaame blender.

am i the only one who's never met a blender that worked?

i had to get violent with my blender, shaking it back and forth, side to side to get it to mix at all, rather than just spinning the blade at the bottom of the jar while the fruit at the top sat pleasantly, waiting its turn. i would've liked to see myself on spy came that day with the blender...

so the frozen berry smoothies were on my costco grocery list on saturday's epic shopping trip. but that also meant a new blender was on the list. it's time. i'm thirty... that's more than an appropriate age to get rid of all the crappy collegiate appliances that just got me by all these years.

so i googled. and i tried to remember what i read in consumer reports. but what it boiled down to was a sit-and-stare moment at target. i stood there. and stared. and waited for revelation. honestly.

and in the end, i chose the ninja.

i chose it because it was originally $99, but on sale for $79. it also got 5 stars on all the sites i googled while i sat-and-stared. the rest, save the $600 vita-mix and blend-tecs, got manically mixed reviews.

and so far, i love it. i've made morning smoothies every morning since {um, twice now} and it's as quick as anything. never, ever, would i choose to sacrifice minutes from my morning routine to make breakfast in the kitchen, but this, i can do.

who knows, i might even throw a handful of green spinach in there and get extra healthy. they say that helps.

per your request...

2012-01-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

just for you, marci!

{and anyone else wondering how finely navy babe's cheeks are filling out.}

she's 5 weeks old and no where close to fitting into her 0-3 month jeggings.

seems it's all going to her cheeks.

get fat, baby! for the love of a seasonally appropriate wardrobe, get fat! your well-planned winter wear awaits!

take a peek.

2012-01-14T22:54:00.001-07:00

i don't do major grocery trips very often. like, hardly ever.

but this morning i was feeling very meal-planning-ish which snowballed.

snowballed from a super search on pinterest to a super ambitious grocery list to a super grocery trip to the grocery and costco to a super strength herculean unload from the car to the kitchen to a super cleans of the fridge to a super denial of the pantry.

i bought all the fixings for

salsa + black bean soup

lasagna soup

two soups.... with the hopes of warming my chilled to the bone soul.

quinoa burgers

crunchy garlic chicken

sweet potato casserole

... here's to climbing out of my lazy apple + peanut butter/bowl of cereal rut!

so, i cleaned out the fridge. it warranted a photo.

being one person, it's hard to eat this much food.

but being one person, it's hard to eat real live meals without buying this much food.

not seen: eight cubes of butter {4 salted, 4 unsalted} in the door. vital to any proper and operating kitchen.

the pantry, though, will get me + all my neighbors through the end of the world. i count it among my one year supply in case the world begins to end. you're all invited for dinner when that kicks off.

#janphotoaday

2012-01-14T22:38:00.002-07:00

an update on the photo a day challenge...

i caught on a few days late. i missed the self portrait {phew}.

you already saw the first two, but to review:

day five: something you wore

literally, what i wore, in the past tense. in a pile on the floor at the end of a day.

day six: makes you smile

garlic butter sauce with a side of pizza.

day seven: favorite

nail painting party.

day eight: my sky

just enough clouds to be dreary.

day nine: daily routine

g-chat with bestie jen.

day ten: childhood

this happens to be in my top drawer at work.

day eleven: where you sleep

inches upon inches of fluffy, foamy, un-made heaven.

day twelve: close-up

10 a.m. diet coke. duh.

day thirteen: in my bag

i really need a kindle. and a peppermint lollipop.

day fourteen: what i'm reading

an ikea picture book.

tomorrow is "happiness" day. oy vey, how will i narrow that down? another picture of my bed? of diet coke?

a recipe swap update and a thursday problem.

2012-01-12T21:50:00.001-07:00

first order of business: the great cookie swap status update.

ALMOST DONE.

you guys, there were 70 recipes.

imagine these sweet little digits of mine, slaving away on my keyboard seventy times over to make your recipes uniform.

they're coming, they really are. just a few fine tunes of the design and they're off to the printer. this weekend maybe?

aaaand, i've already addressed all the mailing labels and i scoured paper source for the perfect packaging.

they'll be so cute in your mailbox, you'll scream!

i might be emailing some of you... i didn't get mailing addresses from everyone. some people requested a digital copy, the others just forgot?

stay tuned, friends.

in other news, my thursday night dvr schedule is FULL.

the rest of the week is pretty light, thankfully, so i only have all week to work it out.

i've heard i need to add downton abbey to the queue. i'm an obedient girl, so i'll do it.

somebody stop me.... i'm going to buy these.

2012-01-11T22:35:00.003-07:00

lucchese's annie western

keep up with my constant pursuit of the perfect boot: 1 | 2 | 3

who what where when why wednesday.

2012-01-11T22:05:00.003-07:00

which phone?

help?!

here's the list that sits beside my bed:

the iphone 4s